Good for the Soul
by Old Romantic
Summary: “Confessions are good for the soul, but bad for a spy.” An alternate ending to 1x04.


**Rating: PG-13** at most  
**Spoilers:** Post-1x04 – Chuck vs. the Wookie  
**Genre/Ship:** Romance/angst (Chuck/Sarah)  
**Disclaimer:** Josh Schwartz, Chris Fedak, and McG! How I love thee!

**Summary:** "Confessions are good for the soul, but bad for a spy." An alternate ending to 1x04.

**A/N:** I wrote this after 1x04 but had to have a fellow fan of the show read it over for me before I dared to post it, just in case I was off my rocker and had lost my ability to write fanfiction. Now assured that it's decent enough to pass off as good, I give you my first _Chuck_ fic. :-) Thanks to **yumytaffy** and **auntof3** for the beta! *hugs*

Enjoy!!

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Sitting on her bed, waiting for Chuck to return with napkins so they could eat their black-olive-free vegetarian pizza, Sarah dabbed at her eyes to keep the quiet tears yet another secret in her crazy life. It wasn't fair that she had to be this way, but it's just the way it was. Every decision, every word, every _thought_ had to be calculated and well-planned, else she fail at her mission. And she couldn't fail. Not now, not with Chuck's life at risk every day. Why this assignment – this partner, this man in need of protection – seemed more important to her was a mystery she wasn't prepared to solve, nor think on for too long, knowing she'd be risking her heart. She'd discovered to her misfortune that Chuck _was_ an easily lovable guy, just as a friend, or…something more.

It was the "something more" in her mind that frightened her in a way she didn't want to have to report back to her superiors. The consequences would be unthinkable – even if it meant just being taken off this case.

Sarah soon discovered that she didn't quite succeed at keeping her emotions in check when she opened her eyes and saw Chuck's hand in front of her face, holding out a napkin in offering.

"Need one?" he said simply, lowering himself onto the stool he'd occupied earlier.

Sarah sniffed and dried her eyes, shaking her head apologetically. "I'm not supposed to be like this."

"Like what? Human?" he chuckled incredulously.

"I'm supposed to keep my head in the game, and not be so…" she shrugged, searching for a word. "…Girly."

He laughed once more, and again since taking this assignment, Sarah realized just how much she enjoyed his wide smile. "Well, if you don't mind a little advice, I like your girly…parts." He'd merely been stumped for an appropriate word, but flashed an embarrassed look when he realized what had eventually come out. But her happy expression must've kept him from running or changing the subject. "You know what I mean," he stumbled in an effort to clear the air.

"Yeah, I do," she muttered, still feeling very emotional. She tapped the back of his hand and decided to rest it there, slipping her fingers into his palm. Chuck stared down at their hands while she explained, "I just wish I could tell you what you want to know, Chuck."

He lifted his head and searched her eyes, "Well, they say confession is good for the soul…" One half of his face curved up in a smirk.

"But not for a spy," she stated evenly. "If you were ever tortured for information," she told him, pausing with the weight of what could happen. "…I couldn't put you in that position. I wouldn't – even if I was allowed."

Chuck thought about that a moment and finally sighed, sitting up and clapping his free hand against his knee. "Alright, fine. No names, no dates, no places. Just tell me anecdotes about your life – something about you that I don't know…which could be _anything_ at this point. …Besides the olives," he added in a tease. Then he reached to his side and pulled a piece of pizza from the box, set it on a napkin, and handed it to her. "We can eat while we talk, and take turns," he suddenly thought to offer. "I'll even go first."

Sarah couldn't come up with an argument, nor did she want to, for the first time since she and Bryce had first revealed details about each of their lives and started their relationship. She didn't want to think about how that had come back to bite her in the butt when he turned rogue, and she'd spent countless hours being questioned about her loyalties.

Going first as promised, Chuck began regaling her of tales of computer camp and the lame antics he and his friends pulled on their fellow campers, making Sarah laugh out loud. But all too soon, it was her turn. Tossing her uneaten crust in the open pizza box, she considered what she _could_ tell him without compromising her mission and his safety. She knew she could make up a story to satisfy him, but she had an overwhelming desire to tell him something truthful about her life, regardless of the consequences. "Okay," she began, wiping her mouth with a napkin when she had an idea. Chuck was all ears as he ate, waiting for her to speak. "You've heard the sunburn story…" He nodded, his eyes wide as he studied her face. "That was true."

He was pleasantly surprised, replaying the story she'd told during the game they'd played with his sister and friends in his mind. "So, you have a sister?" She bobbed her head in acknowledgement. "Older or younger?"

Again, Sarah clammed up, unwilling to share that information.

"Okay, sorry, too personal. Do you…ever get to see her?"

"Sometimes," she replied. "On holidays, whenever I'm not deep under."

"Under cover, you mean." She nodded again. "That means that if you're still working on this case, you won't get to see her this Thanksgiving or Christmas," he reminded her reluctantly.

"It's not as bad as it seems," Sarah vowed. "It's not like I'm alone."

"Yeah, but not being allowed to see your family? I don't know what I would do if I couldn't talk to Ellie whenever I wanted. Don't you ever get a break?"

She shook her head. "Job's too important."

"Well, that sucks," he mumbled, making her smile. "Why do you do it?"

Sarah shrugged. "A lot of reasons…that I can't go into."

Understanding that those facts would be too personal and could possibly cause him trouble later, he bobbed his head. "I get it," he drawled out slowly. "Is it my turn again?"

She smiled in agreement and for the next several hours, they exchanged tidbits of unimportant information and shared their souls. Eventually, when their stomachs were full of pizza, they moved to sit on the bed. Chuck had kicked off his shoes and over time, they stretched out until they were lying on their sides, facing each other with their heads resting on separate pillows.

"So, you and Bryce…" he broached the subject carefully when he finally had built up the nerve; not wanting to know, but rather, _needing_ further information. With the mention of her former lover's name, Sarah rolled to her back to stare at the ceiling, as if wanting to avoid the subject as much as he did. "I don't need – or _want_ – to know the details," he promised. "Just… How long was that going on?"

Sarah bit her lip and contemplated her answer for a full minute before deciding that it couldn't hurt to reveal that info. "A few years."

"Wow. So it was serious."

Her non-reply was good enough of an answer.

"Were you… I mean, did you have plans – and by that, I mean—"

"We weren't engaged," she smirked at his bumbling question. Then she stared down at her hands on her stomach and added in a whisper, "Not officially, at least."

"Oh." Chuck propped his head up on his elbow to see her better and asked, "So you wanted to…"

She blinked, keeping her thoughts to herself. Then she shifted the focus off of her. "Have you ever been engaged?"

"What, me?" he pointed to his chest. "_No_. No."

"Not even close?" she looked over at him.

He shook his head. "Well, you know I had a girlfriend at Stanford, and that was pretty serious for a little while, but Bryce…" He stopped abruptly when he noticed she was listening intently. "Eh, you've heard that story – I don't want to bore you—"

She interrupted, "I haven't heard the whole thing, but I think I got that Bryce stole her from you, right?"

"That he did."

"Was that…Jill?" she queried carefully.

Chuck's eyebrows furrowed. "You knew Jill?"

"No, I never met her, but…I saw pictures. She was his ex, you know."

He smirked. "Ironic, isn't it, that he stole my girlfriend, and here I am in bed with his." He regretted the words as soon as they were out and he saw Sarah's eyes widen and her face actually blush. He stumbled, "Not really in the same way that you and he were – or Bryce and Jill, for that matter—"

Her soft chuckle and her hand on his between them shut him up and he slowly grinned, thankful that she wasn't offended by what he'd said. "It's okay," she told him. "If our business relationship continues on much longer, we're going to have to pretend that we're…intimate."

Chuck glanced at his watch and pointed out, "Well, considering it's almost seven a.m.…"

She grabbed his wrist and confirmed that before shaking her head in surprise. "I can't believe it's morning already. Will Ellie notice that you're not at home?"

He grimaced. "It…might slip past _her_, but Morgan will be climbing in my window at home within the next twenty minutes or so."

Letting out a breath, Sarah realized out loud, "Well, I guess now's as good a time as any to…move our relationship up a bit."

"You mean…"

She lifted her free shoulder in a shrug. "If they ask, just tell them the truth: that we spent the night together."

His infectious half-grin was back as he asked timidly, "Can I…embellish that a little?"

She couldn't hold back her demure smile, watching him. "I'd say a little is okay, but…just remember that the believable lie is the one with the fewest details."

"I got it," he said with a mock professional tone. "We spent the night together and the rest is none of their business."

"Exactly."

"And what about Casey?"

Hesitating with the weight of what telling the uncompromising NSA agent would mean, she nodded. "I'll inform him of the change in our status, as well as our superiors, and wait for further instructions."

"Will this get you taken off the case?" he questioned reluctantly, hoping beyond hope that she would stick around for a long, long time – even if he didn't care much for the near-death experiences from having the intersect secrets locked in his brain.

"It might," she seemed to admit just as unenthusiastically. "But we'll just cross that bridge…"

With a long stare into her pretty blue eyes, and another glance at his watch, Chuck begrudgingly sighed. "I guess…I should go so I can get ready for work."

"Okay," she agreed and rolled back to get off of the bed. She walked with him slowly to the door, telling him, "And next time, um…it might be a good idea to be prepared with a change of clothes, so you won't have to go home before work, so that it's…more believable."

A wave of emotion flowed through Chuck's body and seemed to settle in his face and his mid-section. "Right," he drew out on a long breath. "And we can stay at my house too, if we need to for the cover, but…just remind me to lock my window to keep Morgan out."

"And close the blinds," she added with a smile as she opened the door.

Chuck stepped out but hesitated and turned to face her. "Thanks for…tonight. I know you didn't have to tell me anything."

She leaned against the door and admitted, "I wanted to."

He half-smiled again, soaking in her pleased expression, suddenly wishing for so much more with her than this fake relationship. In fact, he'd be happy with nothing more than having what they pretended to have as reality. But that would mean that his feelings for her went far beyond a casual friendship, and that was something he hadn't felt for a woman in a very long time.

"I, uh…I should go." She nodded, but still, he didn't move. He knew what he wanted, but he also knew it wouldn't be appropriate, but he couldn't stop himself from saying, "I know there's no one around to do this for, but…" He quickly leaned over and kissed her cheek before he lost his nerve. He pulled away just as fast, but he did notice how Sarah's eyes had closed for the brief contact. The fact made him smile. "Bye, Sarah."

"Bye, Chuck," she smiled back and watched him walk away before closing the door.

Chuck had a spring in his step, as if the night he'd spent with Sarah _had_ been more than what it was. He was surprisingly not even tired, despite the lack of sleep, and wondered if he would feel the effects later. But somehow it didn't seem to matter or bother him in any way. Even as he stepped into his apartment's courtyard, he was still lighthearted about the way things had gone. …Which was probably good for his cover story when Morgan accosted him before he reached his front door.

"Dude, where've you been? I've been waiting almost an hour—"

"I, uh…I was at Sarah's," Chuck replied casually, pushing past his friend to unlock his door.

"This early?" Morgan tagged along as usual. "What, did you have breakfast or…" He seemed to catch on in mid-sentence. "Whoa, man," he stepped in front of Chuck. "Tell me the good news that you finally got some action."

Chuck stopped and rolled his eyes, admitting, "Yes, I spent the night with Sarah."

Taking advantage of Morgan's shocked face and frozen position to scoot past him to go inside, Chuck inwardly reminded himself to stay away from divulging too much that could be contested as a lie. Morgan came back to life and stuck as close to him as a tail on a dog, excitedly asking for details as they walked to Chuck's room. "I'm not going there, Morgan," Chuck interjected into his friend's overlapped, inappropriate questions as he walked straight to his closet for a fresh set of clothes for work. "You're just going to have to use your imagination."

"Ooh," Morgan groaned. "Believe me, I have. That girl is hot, if you don't mind me saying."

Chuck turned and narrowed his eyes at him, not sure if he liked Morgan fantasizing about his girlfriend – fake or not.

"Just tell me," his friend requested, "was it…good?"

Thinking back to the long night of sharing minor aspects of their lives, Chuck could only be honest. "It was great." Without embellishing any more, Chuck deposited the clean outfit on his bed and left the room to make himself some coffee.

But Morgan wouldn't give up that easily and followed him close behind to the kitchen. "Dude, you gotta give me more than that. Was she wearing that smokin' hot dog get-up? Or less?" he asked with his eyebrows wagging playfully.

Ellie was in the kitchen, preventing Chuck from having to answer as she joined the conversation. "Oh, hey, Chuck. Did you make up with Sarah?"

"I'll say he did," Morgan interjected, leaning on the counter on his elbow as Chuck silently filled his travel mug with the steaming black liquid. "He just got home."

His sister's eyes widened and she spun to stare at her brother. "Is he telling the truth? Did you and Sarah…?" Her eyes finished the rest of the question.

Sighing, Chuck turned and leaned his hips against the counter, taking a sip of his mug as he considered his answer. "We…spent the night together, yes," he decided, going with what Sarah had told him to say as a safe choice.

Ellie cheered with glee, bounding over to him to give her brother a hug. "I'm so happy for you!" She pulled back abruptly, wondering, "Everything's okay, right? I mean, this was a good thing?"

"Yes, it was a good thing," he made sure to smile. "You know me, Ellie – I just don't like to, you know, go into details."

He pushed away from the counter to go get ready for work as Ellie remarked, "And that's fine. I'm just…I'm really glad that you've finally found someone that makes you happy, Chuck."

Pausing at the doorway to smile back at his sister and picturing his fake girlfriend in his mind, he confessed from deep within his heart, "She really does."

_~End  
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A/N: Comments are great, and quotes warm this writer's heart! :D


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